2016 - A good year?

Wow, its been a long time since I have posted here.  I didnt realize it had been so long.  Hopefully I can give an update to the last year that is short & sweet.

My last post, in December 2014 refers to removing a previous post due to hurting some feelings.  I am truly sorry for any feelings hurt, but this blog is my way of getting my feelings out.  If you think you might be offended or hurt, stop reading now.  I will try to keep certain opinions to myself, but all in all, these are MY words and thoughts.  With that said, read on, if you wish.

Its been a bumpy year & 3 months.  2015 saw every extreme of emotion.

Just before departing on the cruise, I started the planning for a new business.  Not for me, but for Kelly.  I worked closely with him and a few other business people to write a business plan, create financial projections, establish a marketing plan, create a website and just about everything else involved with creating a new business.  A location was found, a lease was signed, an initial loan was approved and things were moving forward.  Then....hit a snag with the landlord which took longer than we thought, so had to restart the loan process.  Now, permits are being issued, loan is in underwriting, plans are drawn, contractor is ready to sign and should be breaking ground shortly.  What is this new business, you ask?  Well, the name of the business is Renew Float Spa (www.renewfloat.com).  What is floating?  I've become quite the salesman, even though 'we' are not open yet.  I said we, because this is Kelly's business, not mine.  This time around, I am a paid contractor vs a business owner.  Back to what floating is.  Floating is the feeling of weightlessness in 200 gallons of water combined with 800lbs of Epsom Salt.  The lack of stimuli sends you into an almost unconscious state where 1 hour of floating will equal about 4 hrs of REM sleep.  Check out the website for more info.

May was a very busy time this year.  Between Itron selling off our department to a company based in Austin, Texas, Kris' wedding, the Panama Canal cruise and just life in general, it was very busy!

I spent an amazing 3 weeks with Mom, Cheryl, Sandra & friends cruising through the Panama Canal.  An experience I will never forget.  Took lots of pictures, visited many ports & overall had a great time.

Kris & Carly were married on May 16th, the day before the anniversary of my marriage to his mom, Melanie.  The wedding was beautiful, but plagued with a thunderstorm which sent us all for cover.  It became a very intimate setting, but was still very beautiful.  Carly was very beautiful in her dress and Alexis was dressed to match the wedding colors and was as beautiful as could be.  Kris looked amazing in a beautiful suit.  I went out & bought a black suit, just for the wedding, with shirt & tie to match the bridal colors.  I was thrilled to be part of the wedding, even if it wasn't the part I had always dreamed of.  I was thankful that my brother was able to attend.  He takes matters into his own hands sometimes and made sure that I could see Alexis.  I wanted to hold her so bad, but knew it was going to be pushing the boundaries, so I resisted.  At the end of the day, I made an attempt to hold her for one picture, but it didn't work out.  Still so many unresolved feelings & not sure how to handle them.

Max would have turned 3 in September.  As in years past, Kris & Carly thew a little birthday party for him at the cemetery.  I watched from afar and then had my own party with Max.  I continue to visit Max, usually weekly, but don't leave any thing behind when I am there.  I do want to thank Carly & Kris for visiting him as often as they can and for keeping up on the decorations.  I do enjoy them.  Spring, summer & fall visitation for me involved a book, coloring or just sitting & talking.  My time with Max is my time and I find it very therapeutic.  I know Max is in my heart, not there in the cemetery, but I sure can feel him when I am there.

Kris turned 29 on October 30th.  Wow, cant believe he'll be 30 this year!  I sure hope that things have some resemblance of normal before his birthday.  I don't want to miss his 30th.  I remember 30 like it was...not yesterday, but just a few years ago.

In November, I was diagnosed with diabetes.  Not pre-diabetes, but regular old diabetes.  UGH.  Everything should be able to be regulated with diet and exercise...I have made the dietary changes and have lost almost 20 lbs in the past 4 months, but the exercise part still eludes me.  I continue my Saturday walks with Frontrunners, but the weather has been crappy still to do much else.  I am looking forward to kayaking when it warms up a bit.

Christmas came in full force at Mom's this year.  Everyone came & went as they could, with Sean, Julie & the kids being the center of attention.  Kris came for dinner one night to share some time with Sean & family.  I had a really hard time not being able to see Carly & Alexis, and was sad that Alexis didn't get to meet Aurora, Maple & Sean Cotton.  I did get to see Kris, so that did help my frame of mind.

In February, Kris called to let me know that he & Carly are expecting baby #3.  I am so excited for them and their family.  I only wish the best for them and hope that Carly has a healthy pregnancy.  I love them very much and hope to soon, be part of their lives again.

In the last year, I started many new friendships & rekindled some old ones.  No relationship so to speak, not for a lack of trying.

Depression has been an issue, on and off.  Work has been kicking my butt for months.  With all the changes in how we bill our time, validating our work existence has been in itself, a daily job.  I seem to work at work, work at home, work on the weekends, work in the evenings.  If its not GSI work, its Renew Float Spa work or SAN work or something.  I know that is my own fault for spreading myself so thin.  Things are changing and they have to.  I am tired all the time and my mind is even more tired.  My memory seems to be an issue lately and I know it is the stress.  On the outside, my life seems very fulfulling and happy, but for those that know me intimately, you know my struggles over the past year years.  I can only hope that things continue to get better and moving in the right direction.  I know this is a huge weight on me and a huge cause for the depression.


Well, enough said.  Happy Easter to everyone & happy spring.  I am hoping for a good 2016 and will try to write more often.

Well, I decided to remove my last post.  I have always used this blog to talk about my feelings, my raw feelings, but realize that the last post hurt a few people in the process, so decided to delete it.

So much for telling it like I feel.  From now on, I'll keep personal feelings to myself.

Happy New Year

Sorry its taken so long for me to get back to this...its been a whirl wind around here.  A lot has happened since August.

Here's a brief overview

Max's 1st birthday was on September 26th, so we had a little get together at the cemetery and then dinner afterwards.  I miss him so much, every day.

We spent about 9 days cleaning out my grandparents house and getting things moved to Spokane.  In early November, Charlie arrived in Spokane.

Thanksgiving came & went and then came Alexis Rene' Saddler-Ogren!  This little angel was born on December 23rd.  She brought a 'new beginning' to our lives and big smiles all around.  What a Christmas gift...who needs anything else!

The new year brought many new challenges in live and lots of busy things going on.  I had been prepping since October for the SAN Oscar Night Gala which would take place on March 2nd.  Chairing this event and being the IT, Marketing, Designer, setup, teardown, etc....was lots of work, but felt like I was in my element.   I did have to take the day after off due to exhaustion...ugh.

In February, Kris & Carly announced they were taking a bit of a 'vacation' from seeing everyone.  They needed the bonding time...I get that.   So, we met up for a quick coffee and holding session before Trevor and I left on our cruise for my sister-in-law Sandra's 50th Birthday!  Lots of fun was had by all!

I was good...and gave the kids (they arent kids anymore, Ive been informed) a break from bothering them...and waiting to see them and Alexis until my birthday (Feb 28th).  Had a very nice dinner with Trevor, Kris, Carly & Alexis.  Made my night!  After dinner we went to nyne to see Eric Himan perform.  I had been emailing him about performing for SAN, but it didnt work out.  He proceeded to sing me happy birthday at the bar.  Was kind of cool.

The weekend was busy with Oscar Gala prep and the event taking place on Sunday the 2nd.  We had a major snow storm that day, but ended up having a great turn out.  Not as much money was raised as I had hoped, but the event was great.

Lots of familiar faces and some new ones.  I was the chairperson for the event so did some face time on tv the week prior and the day of the event as well as having to get on stage that evening.  WAY out of my comfort zone, but Im proud of myself for doing it. 

I have lots of ideas for next year, but first have to push ticket sales for the next event, Witches' Night Off', in May. 

Looking forward to spring....spending time in the yard prepping it for next year.  I have found that when they added my patios in the back they moved the dirt so the water flows to the house, not away from it.  My garage is flooding.  First step in the spring is to rent a tractor and make some sort of a culvert.

Well, back to work...lots to do.

It's gonna be a GIRL!

Its been a busy couple months!  Sorry I've not been posting for a while.

On July 31, 2013, my grandfather, Bert, passed away after a long 10 year battle with cancer.  I was fortunate to be able to travel down the week prior and spend some time with him.  I have lots of memories of him and my grandmother and am so glad that they are now together.

Last Thursday evening, August 8th, Kris and Carly hosted a 'Gender Announcement' party at Carly's parents house.  Family and friends were in attendance along with a Face-Time call to Kris' mom and family in California.

Below is the link to the video of the 'announcement'.

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4CoKYXxnEaSZzRIN0dQaW9wVjQ/edit?pli=1

It was a fun evening and so excited to be able to welcome this precious new life in late December.

Life...ugh

Yesterday, March 26, Max would have been 6 months old.  Wow, time flies...just too bad he's not here to celebrate.  Its been very hard dealing with this tragedy.  I have been crying for days...for months...with no end in sight.  Life has taken some pretty big turns and I know in time, I'll get through them.

I turned 45 in February....celebrated with a couple parties, a stay at the casino and a nice long massage to help with my aching body from running.  Something was missing though...Max.  I think about him daily.  I have a nice little reminder on my shoulder now, just below where he sits. 

Max will for ever be with me...not just in my heart, but on my shoulder where my guardian angel should be.

Only a couple more weeks of my running club, then I have to have to continue on my own.  The Susan G Komen 5k Race for the Cure is on April 22 (I think).....and that is what I have been training for.  I need to just keep my routine and push myself.  I hate how my hips, knees, shins & feet feel during running, but the endorphins that are running through me after, are amazing! 

Yardwork has started this week...I have rebuilt a fire pit in the backyard and will put down some gravel around it, make a pathway to it and plant this weekend.  Looking forward to being able to use the backyard this summer.

People have started to ask about the wedding, so if your reading...here's an answer for you.  Trevor and I have decided to postpone the wedding.  Not sure when it will happen, we just have to work through some important issues first.  Losing Max in November sent me/us into a tailspin and we have to find our way out of it.  All in time.

I know everything happens for a reason....and I truly do hate that saying now.  I miss my/our little man so much.  His scent, his soft skin and his beautiful eyes....the thought of never seeing him again or holding brings me to tears...  I know he'll always be with me, looking after me.  I just miss him so....

Today is February 13th, and its been a long time since I have sat down to write.  A lot has happened in the past few months.  At my last writing, I was a new grandpa, so very proud.  I am still so very proud....just a lot has happpened.

After five short weeks, Max became an angel.  His time here on earth was very short, but he accomplished so much in such short a time.  He will forever be in my heart and on my mind.  Not a day goes by without me thinking of him and wishing he was here.  My pain is so real....but compares nothing to the pain of Kris & Carly.  I am in a helpless state....I have always tried to shelter Kris from pain & do anything to take it away, but this pain is his...I cant take it away.

Max is buried in an infant area of the cemetary, where you can keep up decorations all year round without the fear of them being taken down or mowed over.  His little grave has a beautiful dinosaur headstone, along with a hand made wreath that we decorate for the season.  Cold, stiff stuff animals surround him and a squashed down snow path makes way to the graveside...just showing how many visitors he gets.  I know he's not there...but still go there to talk to him.  He is in my every day life, knowing that he is my angel, watching over me.

The holidays were rough...one consolation was that we had the flue over Christmas, so didn't have to see anyone.

Just before Christmas, Trevor's company, Red Lion Hotels, re-org'd him out of a job.  So, he's been on the job hunt. 

Between this, Max, the holidays and the prospect of turning 45 later in the month, my emotions have been high and trying to reevaluate life in general.  I feel like a lost soul lately, so something needs to change.

I have taken up running, after about 25 years.  Hasnt been too great on my ankles & shins, but my spirits are higher than they have been in a long time.  Im really enjoying the group I run with and how everyone is so very supportive. 

This spring should be busy...lots going on.  Once the snow goes away & the ground thaw's, I need to put in a fence around the back year, to keep the dogs in.  Stoli got really sick last fall from eating deer poop...so we are going to take care of that one!  Hopefully this gives me a better area to landscape also....so it doesnt seem so ominous.  I am planning on doing some sprinklers in both the front and back and will be planting some seedling christmas trees in the front.  I will have plenty to do with Mom's front & back yard too...

Well, back to work.... 

Busy, Busy in Spokane

WOW!  I can't believe its October!  A lot  has happened in the past few months.  Im going to start with the most exciting news first....  Maxwell Sterling Saddler-Ogren was born on September 26, 2012, at 2:48am.  Max weighed 6lbs 6oz & was 19.25" long, he was also 4 weeks early.

Max has been in the NICU since birth due to some digestive issues along with temperature regulation.  Max is growing stronger and stronger each day.  I'm sure he'll become my favorite blogging subject.

Kris has already started taking tons of pics of Max....this last one is one of my favorites.

As for anything else going on...well, Mom's house is about done...just some finishing touches left.

A couple weeks ago, Trevor and I had an Engagement photo shoot.  Some of the work is below.

Enough for now....