2016 - A good year?

Wow, its been a long time since I have posted here.  I didnt realize it had been so long.  Hopefully I can give an update to the last year that is short & sweet.

My last post, in December 2014 refers to removing a previous post due to hurting some feelings.  I am truly sorry for any feelings hurt, but this blog is my way of getting my feelings out.  If you think you might be offended or hurt, stop reading now.  I will try to keep certain opinions to myself, but all in all, these are MY words and thoughts.  With that said, read on, if you wish.

Its been a bumpy year & 3 months.  2015 saw every extreme of emotion.

Just before departing on the cruise, I started the planning for a new business.  Not for me, but for Kelly.  I worked closely with him and a few other business people to write a business plan, create financial projections, establish a marketing plan, create a website and just about everything else involved with creating a new business.  A location was found, a lease was signed, an initial loan was approved and things were moving forward.  Then....hit a snag with the landlord which took longer than we thought, so had to restart the loan process.  Now, permits are being issued, loan is in underwriting, plans are drawn, contractor is ready to sign and should be breaking ground shortly.  What is this new business, you ask?  Well, the name of the business is Renew Float Spa (www.renewfloat.com).  What is floating?  I've become quite the salesman, even though 'we' are not open yet.  I said we, because this is Kelly's business, not mine.  This time around, I am a paid contractor vs a business owner.  Back to what floating is.  Floating is the feeling of weightlessness in 200 gallons of water combined with 800lbs of Epsom Salt.  The lack of stimuli sends you into an almost unconscious state where 1 hour of floating will equal about 4 hrs of REM sleep.  Check out the website for more info.

May was a very busy time this year.  Between Itron selling off our department to a company based in Austin, Texas, Kris' wedding, the Panama Canal cruise and just life in general, it was very busy!

I spent an amazing 3 weeks with Mom, Cheryl, Sandra & friends cruising through the Panama Canal.  An experience I will never forget.  Took lots of pictures, visited many ports & overall had a great time.

Kris & Carly were married on May 16th, the day before the anniversary of my marriage to his mom, Melanie.  The wedding was beautiful, but plagued with a thunderstorm which sent us all for cover.  It became a very intimate setting, but was still very beautiful.  Carly was very beautiful in her dress and Alexis was dressed to match the wedding colors and was as beautiful as could be.  Kris looked amazing in a beautiful suit.  I went out & bought a black suit, just for the wedding, with shirt & tie to match the bridal colors.  I was thrilled to be part of the wedding, even if it wasn't the part I had always dreamed of.  I was thankful that my brother was able to attend.  He takes matters into his own hands sometimes and made sure that I could see Alexis.  I wanted to hold her so bad, but knew it was going to be pushing the boundaries, so I resisted.  At the end of the day, I made an attempt to hold her for one picture, but it didn't work out.  Still so many unresolved feelings & not sure how to handle them.

Max would have turned 3 in September.  As in years past, Kris & Carly thew a little birthday party for him at the cemetery.  I watched from afar and then had my own party with Max.  I continue to visit Max, usually weekly, but don't leave any thing behind when I am there.  I do want to thank Carly & Kris for visiting him as often as they can and for keeping up on the decorations.  I do enjoy them.  Spring, summer & fall visitation for me involved a book, coloring or just sitting & talking.  My time with Max is my time and I find it very therapeutic.  I know Max is in my heart, not there in the cemetery, but I sure can feel him when I am there.

Kris turned 29 on October 30th.  Wow, cant believe he'll be 30 this year!  I sure hope that things have some resemblance of normal before his birthday.  I don't want to miss his 30th.  I remember 30 like it was...not yesterday, but just a few years ago.

In November, I was diagnosed with diabetes.  Not pre-diabetes, but regular old diabetes.  UGH.  Everything should be able to be regulated with diet and exercise...I have made the dietary changes and have lost almost 20 lbs in the past 4 months, but the exercise part still eludes me.  I continue my Saturday walks with Frontrunners, but the weather has been crappy still to do much else.  I am looking forward to kayaking when it warms up a bit.

Christmas came in full force at Mom's this year.  Everyone came & went as they could, with Sean, Julie & the kids being the center of attention.  Kris came for dinner one night to share some time with Sean & family.  I had a really hard time not being able to see Carly & Alexis, and was sad that Alexis didn't get to meet Aurora, Maple & Sean Cotton.  I did get to see Kris, so that did help my frame of mind.

In February, Kris called to let me know that he & Carly are expecting baby #3.  I am so excited for them and their family.  I only wish the best for them and hope that Carly has a healthy pregnancy.  I love them very much and hope to soon, be part of their lives again.

In the last year, I started many new friendships & rekindled some old ones.  No relationship so to speak, not for a lack of trying.

Depression has been an issue, on and off.  Work has been kicking my butt for months.  With all the changes in how we bill our time, validating our work existence has been in itself, a daily job.  I seem to work at work, work at home, work on the weekends, work in the evenings.  If its not GSI work, its Renew Float Spa work or SAN work or something.  I know that is my own fault for spreading myself so thin.  Things are changing and they have to.  I am tired all the time and my mind is even more tired.  My memory seems to be an issue lately and I know it is the stress.  On the outside, my life seems very fulfulling and happy, but for those that know me intimately, you know my struggles over the past year years.  I can only hope that things continue to get better and moving in the right direction.  I know this is a huge weight on me and a huge cause for the depression.


Well, enough said.  Happy Easter to everyone & happy spring.  I am hoping for a good 2016 and will try to write more often.