It's gonna be a GIRL!

Its been a busy couple months!  Sorry I've not been posting for a while.

On July 31, 2013, my grandfather, Bert, passed away after a long 10 year battle with cancer.  I was fortunate to be able to travel down the week prior and spend some time with him.  I have lots of memories of him and my grandmother and am so glad that they are now together.

Last Thursday evening, August 8th, Kris and Carly hosted a 'Gender Announcement' party at Carly's parents house.  Family and friends were in attendance along with a Face-Time call to Kris' mom and family in California.

Below is the link to the video of the 'announcement'.

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4CoKYXxnEaSZzRIN0dQaW9wVjQ/edit?pli=1

It was a fun evening and so excited to be able to welcome this precious new life in late December.

Life...ugh

Yesterday, March 26, Max would have been 6 months old.  Wow, time flies...just too bad he's not here to celebrate.  Its been very hard dealing with this tragedy.  I have been crying for days...for months...with no end in sight.  Life has taken some pretty big turns and I know in time, I'll get through them.

I turned 45 in February....celebrated with a couple parties, a stay at the casino and a nice long massage to help with my aching body from running.  Something was missing though...Max.  I think about him daily.  I have a nice little reminder on my shoulder now, just below where he sits. 

Max will for ever be with me...not just in my heart, but on my shoulder where my guardian angel should be.

Only a couple more weeks of my running club, then I have to have to continue on my own.  The Susan G Komen 5k Race for the Cure is on April 22 (I think).....and that is what I have been training for.  I need to just keep my routine and push myself.  I hate how my hips, knees, shins & feet feel during running, but the endorphins that are running through me after, are amazing! 

Yardwork has started this week...I have rebuilt a fire pit in the backyard and will put down some gravel around it, make a pathway to it and plant this weekend.  Looking forward to being able to use the backyard this summer.

People have started to ask about the wedding, so if your reading...here's an answer for you.  Trevor and I have decided to postpone the wedding.  Not sure when it will happen, we just have to work through some important issues first.  Losing Max in November sent me/us into a tailspin and we have to find our way out of it.  All in time.

I know everything happens for a reason....and I truly do hate that saying now.  I miss my/our little man so much.  His scent, his soft skin and his beautiful eyes....the thought of never seeing him again or holding brings me to tears...  I know he'll always be with me, looking after me.  I just miss him so....

Today is February 13th, and its been a long time since I have sat down to write.  A lot has happened in the past few months.  At my last writing, I was a new grandpa, so very proud.  I am still so very proud....just a lot has happpened.

After five short weeks, Max became an angel.  His time here on earth was very short, but he accomplished so much in such short a time.  He will forever be in my heart and on my mind.  Not a day goes by without me thinking of him and wishing he was here.  My pain is so real....but compares nothing to the pain of Kris & Carly.  I am in a helpless state....I have always tried to shelter Kris from pain & do anything to take it away, but this pain is his...I cant take it away.

Max is buried in an infant area of the cemetary, where you can keep up decorations all year round without the fear of them being taken down or mowed over.  His little grave has a beautiful dinosaur headstone, along with a hand made wreath that we decorate for the season.  Cold, stiff stuff animals surround him and a squashed down snow path makes way to the graveside...just showing how many visitors he gets.  I know he's not there...but still go there to talk to him.  He is in my every day life, knowing that he is my angel, watching over me.

The holidays were rough...one consolation was that we had the flue over Christmas, so didn't have to see anyone.

Just before Christmas, Trevor's company, Red Lion Hotels, re-org'd him out of a job.  So, he's been on the job hunt. 

Between this, Max, the holidays and the prospect of turning 45 later in the month, my emotions have been high and trying to reevaluate life in general.  I feel like a lost soul lately, so something needs to change.

I have taken up running, after about 25 years.  Hasnt been too great on my ankles & shins, but my spirits are higher than they have been in a long time.  Im really enjoying the group I run with and how everyone is so very supportive. 

This spring should be busy...lots going on.  Once the snow goes away & the ground thaw's, I need to put in a fence around the back year, to keep the dogs in.  Stoli got really sick last fall from eating deer poop...so we are going to take care of that one!  Hopefully this gives me a better area to landscape also....so it doesnt seem so ominous.  I am planning on doing some sprinklers in both the front and back and will be planting some seedling christmas trees in the front.  I will have plenty to do with Mom's front & back yard too...

Well, back to work....