Monday, November 2, 2009

Loss of words

As I sit here & wait to hear from USBank, other parts of my life are in turmoil.  Nothing life threatening, but just changes I wasnt anticipating.  Over the past few months, good friends have moved away, new people have come into my life unexpectedly and I've rekindled some old feelings, only to find that as always...things change.  I know I am rambling & being vague...but, because this is where it is, I will be vague.

At 41, in the prime of my life, I sit here, waiting to build a house, waiting to find a partner in life, waiting, waiting, waiting...as the world goes by.  I dont get it.  I have worked my ass off for years to get to where I am....only letting in a few that I connected with.  Some of those have maintained a position in my life, some have left on their own accord and others have been banished (LOL - sorry, I needed the laugh). 

Sometimes I hate who I am & how I am.  I am a picky bitch.  I have to have a connection with the person I am going to be with and cant seem to budge on that.  So many people just take what they can get, get used to it and move on.  Im not like that.  I want to be IN LOVE.  How hard is it?  When I think I have found the right person, something happens.  So many complications...  My heart loves so easily that it gets hurt just as easily.

Just me ranting & raving....hurting & learning.....nothing new, just painful as always....

Hopefully will have good news to post tomorrow....check back.  Will update on my mental status too  =)

No comments: