Life...ugh

Yesterday, March 26, Max would have been 6 months old.  Wow, time flies...just too bad he's not here to celebrate.  Its been very hard dealing with this tragedy.  I have been crying for days...for months...with no end in sight.  Life has taken some pretty big turns and I know in time, I'll get through them.

I turned 45 in February....celebrated with a couple parties, a stay at the casino and a nice long massage to help with my aching body from running.  Something was missing though...Max.  I think about him daily.  I have a nice little reminder on my shoulder now, just below where he sits. 

Max will for ever be with me...not just in my heart, but on my shoulder where my guardian angel should be.

Only a couple more weeks of my running club, then I have to have to continue on my own.  The Susan G Komen 5k Race for the Cure is on April 22 (I think).....and that is what I have been training for.  I need to just keep my routine and push myself.  I hate how my hips, knees, shins & feet feel during running, but the endorphins that are running through me after, are amazing! 

Yardwork has started this week...I have rebuilt a fire pit in the backyard and will put down some gravel around it, make a pathway to it and plant this weekend.  Looking forward to being able to use the backyard this summer.

People have started to ask about the wedding, so if your reading...here's an answer for you.  Trevor and I have decided to postpone the wedding.  Not sure when it will happen, we just have to work through some important issues first.  Losing Max in November sent me/us into a tailspin and we have to find our way out of it.  All in time.

I know everything happens for a reason....and I truly do hate that saying now.  I miss my/our little man so much.  His scent, his soft skin and his beautiful eyes....the thought of never seeing him again or holding brings me to tears...  I know he'll always be with me, looking after me.  I just miss him so....

Today is February 13th, and its been a long time since I have sat down to write.  A lot has happened in the past few months.  At my last writing, I was a new grandpa, so very proud.  I am still so very proud....just a lot has happpened.

After five short weeks, Max became an angel.  His time here on earth was very short, but he accomplished so much in such short a time.  He will forever be in my heart and on my mind.  Not a day goes by without me thinking of him and wishing he was here.  My pain is so real....but compares nothing to the pain of Kris & Carly.  I am in a helpless state....I have always tried to shelter Kris from pain & do anything to take it away, but this pain is his...I cant take it away.

Max is buried in an infant area of the cemetary, where you can keep up decorations all year round without the fear of them being taken down or mowed over.  His little grave has a beautiful dinosaur headstone, along with a hand made wreath that we decorate for the season.  Cold, stiff stuff animals surround him and a squashed down snow path makes way to the graveside...just showing how many visitors he gets.  I know he's not there...but still go there to talk to him.  He is in my every day life, knowing that he is my angel, watching over me.

The holidays were rough...one consolation was that we had the flue over Christmas, so didn't have to see anyone.

Just before Christmas, Trevor's company, Red Lion Hotels, re-org'd him out of a job.  So, he's been on the job hunt. 

Between this, Max, the holidays and the prospect of turning 45 later in the month, my emotions have been high and trying to reevaluate life in general.  I feel like a lost soul lately, so something needs to change.

I have taken up running, after about 25 years.  Hasnt been too great on my ankles & shins, but my spirits are higher than they have been in a long time.  Im really enjoying the group I run with and how everyone is so very supportive. 

This spring should be busy...lots going on.  Once the snow goes away & the ground thaw's, I need to put in a fence around the back year, to keep the dogs in.  Stoli got really sick last fall from eating deer poop...so we are going to take care of that one!  Hopefully this gives me a better area to landscape also....so it doesnt seem so ominous.  I am planning on doing some sprinklers in both the front and back and will be planting some seedling christmas trees in the front.  I will have plenty to do with Mom's front & back yard too...

Well, back to work.... 

Busy, Busy in Spokane

WOW!  I can't believe its October!  A lot  has happened in the past few months.  Im going to start with the most exciting news first....  Maxwell Sterling Saddler-Ogren was born on September 26, 2012, at 2:48am.  Max weighed 6lbs 6oz & was 19.25" long, he was also 4 weeks early.

Max has been in the NICU since birth due to some digestive issues along with temperature regulation.  Max is growing stronger and stronger each day.  I'm sure he'll become my favorite blogging subject.

Kris has already started taking tons of pics of Max....this last one is one of my favorites.

As for anything else going on...well, Mom's house is about done...just some finishing touches left.

A couple weeks ago, Trevor and I had an Engagement photo shoot.  Some of the work is below.

Enough for now....

Summer 2012 update

July 12, 2012

My posts seem to be staying pretty far apart.  Not sure why, other than its been busy. So, here's an update:

Mom's house is almost done.  Should be complete within the month.  Next week they install flooring, countertops and finish up the siding also.  This week, they installed the interior trim and did some yard cleanup.  I will posts pics shortly.

Kris & Carly are doing well.  Little baby Ogren is due in October and is keeping Carly up at night.  He doesnt like to sleep more than a few hours at a time, so plays trampoline on mommy in-between.  Carly is a trooper.  They have taken a few days away to California before Carly gets much bigger.  I keep finding things to buy for the baby....diapers, diapers, diapers and some cute stuff too.   We are working on having a baby shower the week Mom, Cheryl, Sandra & Bob are here, moving some of Mom's stuff up.  Should be a busy week!

Trevor & I continue to do the week on/week off between houses.  Seem that our 'weeks' become longer here & there.  Kelly continues to live upstairs at the Royal house, so sometimes its just easier to be in a separate space, so we stay at Trevors longer.  I picked up a bunch of boxes from Trevor's sister yesterday in hopes of trying to consolidate for an upcoming move.  We'll see how easy that is.  We will be having a LARGE garage sale in the near future, so will post that here too.

Work is good.  I dont do as much traveling in this position, but I am having fun managing a couple configurations of the workflow management software I work with. 

Trevor's 40th is coming up in September, so am working on a few surprises for him...all in time =)

We have set a date for a June 2013 wedding....more details to come!

Well, time to get moving & get home...have a concert in the park tonight that we are going to try to attend unless we die of heatstroke.

-g

Wow, its been a while since I posted!

A lot has happened since November.....time for an update!

Mom's house

Well, its underway.  We have walls, trusses & they are putting on he subroof today (in the snow).

It took forever to get the permits going, but once they were done, Scott & crew have been working fast to get it put up.


This year has been a busy one so far.

February
Trevor and I, took a cruise for my sister Cheryl's 50th birthday (along with my Mom, Uncle, & a HUGE group of Cheryl's friends).  Was lots of fun.

Our group at Papas & Beers (well, those of us left at the end)

We spent the first night on the Queen Mary in Long Beach - what an experience!!!!  Would love to go back soon!

Then the 3 day cruise.

Lastly, 2 days in Anaheim where we went to the Disney parks.

It was like 3 vacations in one. And believe it or not, it didnt fly by, so we had lots of fun.

During the cruise on the last night, I drug Trevor up to the observation deck, expecting it to be lit up but it was pitch black.  I then proceeded to propose to him & gave him a ring.  He said yes.  We then proceeded to where the whole group was hanging out and celebrated our engagement with them!

What a way to spend a vacation!  We had lots of fun!!!

Later in the month, we had dinner with Kris & Carly for my 44th birthday at the Melting Pot.  We ordered drinks & Kris handed me a birthday card.  I opened it and it was very sweet and hand written.  I had a hard time reading the final line on the card, but noticed it said something about Legos.  At that point, I looked up at him and he slid this picture down in front of what I was reading:

My jaw immediately dropped and I started to cry.  He then proceeded to tell me the last line of the card said "It's time to dust off the Legos".  Kris & I always enjoyed playing Legos together.  I had saved my legos for when I had a child....then when Kris grew up, I put his away for when I had a grandchild.  The time has come to 'dust' them off.

Both Trevor and I are very excited about being grandparents.  I have always looked forward to this part of my life and feel that I have earned the title, Grandpa.

Later that weekend, we attend the Spokane AIDS Network Oscar Night Gala and had a great group of friends attending with us.  I am on the board of directors, so was fun to be able to share this wonderful event.

 

March has already been a busy month, and its only the 21.  This coming weekend I will be donating my time & use of an auction db for the American Childhood Cancer Organization Inland Northwest (previously known as Candlelighters) Dinner & Auction.  Then next week, my friend Kelsey is getting married!  I am the official wedding photographer & have enlisted the help of Kris, so we can get more shots....along with his abstract eye, it will prove to be a good partnership.

Well, better move along.  I'll write more later..

big dig....

The first swipe at the foundation dig was today.  Not sure if its done at this point or there is more to go tomorrow, but the dirt has sure been moved around.  Mom's land seems a bit more rocky than mine....well, more than seems, it is!  Enjoy today's pics.

House staked...check. Backhoe...check.

Well, Scott came by yesterday to stake the house and its ready for the foundation to be dug out today.  They are starting at any moment.  We did decide to move the house a little further forward.  Here are some pics I took yesterday.

In position to dig!

Standing in front of the garage looking towards the back of the house

From the front of the garage looking towards back

Behind house looking towards street

Standing at back corner looking to front