Loss of words

As I sit here & wait to hear from USBank, other parts of my life are in turmoil.  Nothing life threatening, but just changes I wasnt anticipating.  Over the past few months, good friends have moved away, new people have come into my life unexpectedly and I've rekindled some old feelings, only to find that as always...things change.  I know I am rambling & being vague...but, because this is where it is, I will be vague.

At 41, in the prime of my life, I sit here, waiting to build a house, waiting to find a partner in life, waiting, waiting, waiting...as the world goes by.  I dont get it.  I have worked my ass off for years to get to where I am....only letting in a few that I connected with.  Some of those have maintained a position in my life, some have left on their own accord and others have been banished (LOL - sorry, I needed the laugh). 

Sometimes I hate who I am & how I am.  I am a picky bitch.  I have to have a connection with the person I am going to be with and cant seem to budge on that.  So many people just take what they can get, get used to it and move on.  Im not like that.  I want to be IN LOVE.  How hard is it?  When I think I have found the right person, something happens.  So many complications...  My heart loves so easily that it gets hurt just as easily.

Just me ranting & raving....hurting & learning.....nothing new, just painful as always....

Hopefully will have good news to post tomorrow....check back.  Will update on my mental status too  =)

Whirlwind

Well, its been a while since I have written anything.  I've been kind of depressed by the lack of progress on the house loan.  I spent the majority of last week in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada for work.  While there, I received an email from my loan guy saying that I had two options now...cancel the loan or come up with more money.  So...I picked up the phone & cashed in some investments, so I can invest in this new house.  All of a sudden, this home because more of an investment than it was already.  Today, the checks came from those investments and all the paperwork has been forwarded on to the processor & the underwriter.  So...hopefully....god willing...friday we will know how long before the paperwork can be signed and how much I have to bring to the table to close.

I will update as I know more...as always..... 

Live, Love, Laugh....sometimes that's how I get through the day. 

Soon? We'll see.....

Another week of nice weather lost to processors, underwriters & hair pulling....mine that is.  The weather here in Spokane has been perfect for building a house and hopefully it will stay that way for a while.  This week has been another waiting week.  Hopefully I hear something soon.  I have been on the edge of giving up so many times, but know that with what I have invested, financially & emotionally, I cant.  I just keep imagining sitting on the back patio, listening to the water feature, drinking my coffee, watching Stoli play.  Hopefully that dream comes true sooner that later.  I know it will...just be patient. 

Last weekend, while in the Seattle area, I went to IKEA with friends to look at bathroom fixtures for the new house.  I found bathroom fixtures for both of the smaller bathrooms in the new house.  Not sure what Im going to do in the master bath, but will cross that bridge later.  Cant wait to venture back over to IKEA (probably Portland due to no sales tax) to make the big purchases. 

So.....hopefully my next post will be about the loan closing.  Keep your fingers crossed, I know mine are!

Waiting......waiting......waiting.....

I'm getting a little impatient...okay A LOT impatient!  It's been over a year since I had the house plans drawn...shouldnt it be built by now?  I guess not....

Talked to my contractor yesterday....the excavators are waiting for the green flag to dig....I wish I could just tell them to dig.  Still waiting on the loan.....I sit here everyday & wonder...Why me?  This house must be something spectacular if I'm being made to wait so long for it.  I know it will be actually....so that is keeping me going.  Im just exicted, anxious & and a little nervous too. 

Mom arrives on Friday for 10 days.  I was hoping to have a hole in the ground before she arrived...but probably not.  Hopefully it is all ironed out so she can be here for the ground breaking.

One more step closer....

On my way home from taking Mika Boorem to the Airport, I received a call from First American Title Company, to let me know they were processing my loan documents for the close of the construction loan.  I asked for an approximate timeframe & she said there was a note to close as soon as possible, and that they should be calling me to come in and sign on or before September 21st!  OMG!....is it true?  Well, the way my luck has run...Im not holding my breath on that date, but at least Im to the step.....one step closer to the big dig & the Royal Adventure being reality.  Keep your fingers crossed!!

Patrick Swayze RIP - you will be missed

Yesterday, we lost another bright star, Patrick Swayze.  One of my favorite movies is below....

To Wong FooTo Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

Catching the current....

I feel like I've been swimming upstream for so long.  From relationships, to house building, to depression...seems like things just havent been easy.  Im not saying things have been bad, I have plenty of things to be grateful for.  Life just seems to throw curve balls. 

Im feeling like I have slown down my pace a bit and the current is catching me & hopefully going to take me in a better direction.  The house is on the right path....so that helps with my stress level.  My Dr. put me on meds to for the depression & lack of direction/focus that I've been dealing with and I've met some great people to add to my life.  I seem to wake up feeling better...feeling better about my day, my life & where its going.  Taken me a long time to get here, but its due.  I know I'll have setbacks...we all do, but today...Im feeling pretty good!

So, with a grin & my fingers crossed, I'll step into each new day, looking forward to the adventure that lies ahead, bumpy or not.